Important questions about life and PB&J
This column originally appeared in the Odessa American newspaper June 4, 2017. It appears here by permission of the newspaper. The text of this column appears as it originally did 3 years ago, but I have taken the liberty of adding a few visual aids.
The end of school this year meant that our six-year-old Zoologist was officially done with kindergarten. I have fond memories of kindergarten, after all it was three of the best years of my life, so I thought that I would ask him some questions about the experience. Things are a little different now.
In the middle of this interview the twenty-one-month-old Demolitions Expert got her pacifier caught in a slinky and her existential meltdown threw things off a bit, but I think we pulled it together enough for a quality interview. A couple of these answers needed some additional commentary, and I have supplied it where appropriate.
Q: How do you intend to celebrate being through with kindergarten?
A: By going to the zoo.
Hence the Zoologist moniker.
Q: Now that you are through with kindergarten what are your plans for getting a job?
A: I think maybe I want to be a scientist, but not right now. I'm not full grown.
Q: What creature power would make going to school easier or more fun?
A: An Osprey because they are so cool. No, wait, a bison, because they get into cool battles.
If you are unfamiliar with “creature powers” check out the Wild Kratts on PBS.
Q: Now that you have started reading when can we expect you to write your first book?
A: When I am old enough. When I am your age, and my wife can help me.
This has worked out pretty well for his dad so far.
Q: When your grandparents were in school they used to ride dinosaurs to school. What dinosaur would you ride to school if you could?
A: A Triceratops. What’s the one with the long neck, a Brontosaurus? That one too.
Scientists have flip-flopped numerous times on the existence of the Brontosaurus. In the early twentieth century they concluded that the Brontosaurus had never existed. In the last few years they have reversed course and now the consensus is that they did. Did the Brontosaurus exist is destined to become the “are eggs good for you” of the Jurassic period.
Q: Why is your mom so good at helping you with your school work?
A: Because she knows more than you. She's smart.
A 100% accurate statement.
Q: Most of the school year you ate peanut butter and jelly for lunch. Do you think this sandwich makes you smarter?
A: No. Junk food doesn't make you smarter. They don't make you smart. I never heard of such. It's impossible.
Honest to God the kid said “I never heard of such.” Sometimes I can’t tell if he is six or sixty. My wife says that he is an old soul.