A Sharp Life Rewind: Parenting a Toddler Summed Up in 2 Sentences

This column originally appeared in the Odessa American newspaper June 24, 2017. It appears here by permission of the newspaper. The text of this column appears as it originally did 3 years ago, but I have taken the liberty of adding some clarifications.

Getting a family of six ready in the morning, when four members of the family are six years or younger, is a lot like combining a circus, with a fire drill, with a meal, with a fashion show, with a prison break. Except for it is a little crazier than if you combined all those things. Needless to say sometimes wires get crossed, feelings get hurt, and things go sideways. Occasionally someone, sometimes even dad, has to learn a lesson in all the madness.

One morning a few months ago, in the midst of the get ready for work and school craziness, I committed an egregious error. In my haste to do my part in getting everyone fed, dressed, and out the door on time I gave the Zoologist his orange juice to take to the breakfast table AND I gave him the Ballerina’s juice to take to the table as well. This caused a meltdown by the Ballerina who wanted to carry her own juice.

This type of a reaction is common to the toddler species. To be honest I don't always handle meltdowns well. Compassion isn't my default position. I am the one who tends to respond to a kid tripping and hurting themselves by saying, "And that's why your mom and I keep telling you to pick up your toys." The kids know that I am not the first person to come to for a boo boo. I am working on being more compassionate, but it is still very much a work in progress.

Fast forward thirty minutes later. We were in the car after we had dropped the Zoologist off at kindergarten. For whatever reason, possibly my lack of sympathy, the Ballerina felt the need to rehash this incident. She chose our one-on-one time in the car as an opportunity to explain to me what the issue was. It is important to note that toddlers “explain” things by just saying the same thing repeatedly. I mustered as much empathy as I had and tried to figure out what the problem was, but alas she just kept telling me I should not have done that. I never found out why it was such a breach of toddler protocol to let one’s brother carry their juice, but I was zealously counseled, multiple times, that this was indeed the wrong call.

Finally, feeling a little wearisome from the lecture I was receiving I said the two sentences that perfectly sum up what it is like raising a toddler.

I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Clearly, I was wrong.”