Advice for February You - Dad Panel
Aaron Sharp | August 1, 2020
2020 has been…
Well, you know how it has been. Pick an adjective and it applies: hard, difficult, depressing, challenging, impossible, exasperating, exhausting, infuriating, mind-numbing, unprecedented (like we haven’t heard that enough). This year has put everone through the ringer. Every job, every role that we play in our lives has changed demonstrabily, and very things have gotten easier. And the truth is, it doesn’t look like it is going to let up any time soon.
Frequently lately I have pondered life before Covid compared to life during Covid. There are so many things that are part of life now (wearing masks, avoiding public gatherings, working from home) that would have seemed strange or downright bizarre just a few months ago. After pondering this for a while I began to wonder what advice I would give myself if I could go back in time before all this craziness happened. Next I started wondering how other days would anser this quetsion. Finally I decided to stop wondering about things and start asking. I assembled a panel of dads to answer this specific question, “If you could go back in time before we were all thrown into the pandemic/quarantine/shelter-in-place lifestyle, what is one piece of fatherly advice that you would give yourself about being a dad in the era of COVID?” I told the dads that their advice needed to be specifically about fatherhood, so “Buy stock in Zoom, or “Stock up on toilet paper,” didn’t count. I actually allowed a little flexibility on this, but dont’ tell the dads.
What wisdom did our dads have for their six-month-younger selves? Read on find out.
Aaron Sharp
Aaron Sharp is a father of four children nine and under. He has never watched the movie Titanic, was a state ping-pong champion in high school, is an expert at performing lifts for small ballerinas, and may have hurt himself playing baseball in the living room recently. You can follow Aaron & the Wonder Woman on Instagram @our_sharpology.
I have lots of pieces of advice that I would give February 2020 Aaron if I could, but I am going to boil this down to one simple concept abecause I know that After February 2020 Aaron is going to have a hard time functioning mentally. My one piece of advice would be this, don’t try to make things normal. None of what you are about to go through is normal, it isn’t usual, and it isn’t typical. Your “office” is now the dining room table, you will get so desperate for sports you’ll watch some English Premier League soccer. You wear a mask everywhere, and every time you get a headache in the back of your mind you will wonder if this is how it starts. Forget normal life. Nothing about this is normal, and the sooner you wrap your brain around this the better you will be, and the better father you’ll be (and husband too by the way). No, you aren’t used to trying to do remote support while one child is whizzing baseballs by your head, a dance party is breaking out, and a small human is yelling, “I go tee-tee in the potty!” That isn’t typical, and it isn’t easy, but rather than focusing on what normal used to be embrace the insanity of it all. Odds are you’ll never get this much time with your kids again for the rest of your life. Don’t waste it.
Aaron Travis
Aaron Travis is a father of five kids between 4 and 13. He loves Liverpool FC, U2, Star Wars, and live music (thanks social distancing). He is also the coolest “Aaron” on this dad panel.
This thing is going to take longer than you think so slow down, stop looking forward to “when things go back to normal” and just enjoy this time together. Go for more walks with your family. Go outside together. Learn some new games. Find something good to read as a family. Spend time talking. Laugh a lot. Oh....and DEFINITEY get that Disney+ subscription.
Dave Atkins
I’m Dave, father of three, expert in failing forward, didn’t cry at The Notebook, The Ring was the last scary movie I will ever see, I like to workout because I really like desserts, and I absolutely love a good story.
Listen more carefully for your children’s “thoughtful tone” and be ready to engage and ask better questions. Get off your phone, you moron!
Josh Strychalski
Joshua Strychalski is the father of two boys (X-Man & HeavyD) and the husband of one wife (the First Lady). He won the 1989 Pittsboro Elementary School Scripps-Howard spelling bee and then was summarily humiliated at the regional competition by misspelling a word he would rather forget – okay, fine, the word was fanfare. F-a-n-f-a-r-e. Are you happy?! He was a golf professional and then turned to the glamour of home and auto insurance. You can follow him on Twitter at @joshstryke. You’re welcome.
I dial up the Wayback Machine to February 2020. It’s a brisk, cold morning. Snow sprinkles the landscape. I stumble across myself in the woods behind my home clearing out debris ahead of the Spring growth. I look fresh and innocent. I can see the horrified look in my own eyes staring back at me. I must look haggard to myself.
“What the…” I say to me.
“Don’t ask questions,” I reply. “Just listen. I’m you from July.”
“What do you mean July?”
“The month of July. You know, 4th of July. Sunburns. Cookouts - ”
“This July?”
“Yes. July 2020.”
“I look awful.”
“We’re drifting off topic here.”
“Sorry, I just really took a dive in six months.”
“I know. There’s COVID, lockdowns, riots, distance rules, masks, no sports…”
“No sports?! You have my attention.”
“I have one piece of advice for you. It’s about the boys.”
“The boys?”
“Yes. Are you ready?”
I nod.
“Turn off your phone.”
“My phone? What’s my phone have to do with - ”
“Turn it off! They need you to be present. Listen to them. Play with them. Use every creative tool you have at your disposal. Especially for the 7-year-old.”
“You mean the X-Man?”
“Yes. Sorry. I was beginning to forget.”
I cough in the frigid wind. I look up at myself with sallow eyes.
“Wow! Things must be terrible,” I say to me.
“Yes and no. But that’s why you need to turn off your phone. The more time you spend on there with so many ‘experts’ and riots and masks, the less you’ll be available for them. And the more you’ll spiral into a ritual of self-destructive navel gazing. They really need you. Make the most of your time, because you’ll have a lot of it.”
And I disappear into the Indiana winter.
Kevin Crow
My name is Kevin Crow and I'm a husband and the father of an 11 year old, a 9 year old and 2 cats. Like Aaron, I've never seen the Titanic or Avatar (apologies to James Cameron). The greatest skill acquired in my 14 year association with Dallas Theological Seminary is my abilities to hang things on walls and assemble or disassemble office furniture. Feel free to follow me on Instagram @crowfizzle.
If I could go back to February, knowing what we know now, I would've advised myself two things. First, stock up on our favorite beverage. Second, be more deliberate about looking for ways to teach practical life lessons while I have so much time with my kids, such as finding ways to love and serve other people, even while quarantined. I feel like I have done okay but could always use time better.